Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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