why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
