dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
