Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
