My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they need to just BURY HIM!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
