I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
