And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
