So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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