NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
