After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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