me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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