Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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