Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
