My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
