so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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