I feel like abortions should bother me more
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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