Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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