and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
