420 ftw
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize