you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize