She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bring money and cleavage
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
