Kiss
Puke
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
