Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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