Need sex. Gaining weight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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