I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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