I think my fart just growled at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Alive.
So much puke
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
