the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
