There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
