Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize