It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
