i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
