ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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