I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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