Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
