There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
