Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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