I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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