Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize