It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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