How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
