so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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