Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
