I cannot find my penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
