I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
