everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
