I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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