the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize