You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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