How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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