Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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