I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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