Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
