I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize