____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
