Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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