I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
