Yo dont text me then not text me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
