I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
