I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
