so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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