True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
