he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
