We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
