It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
