A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
