hotel room ftw
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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