So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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