Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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