ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
