Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i think im in europe. pls send help
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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