I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
