Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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