I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
