Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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