Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
