I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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