just tell him i said nine months
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
