that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
