my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
try to milk me bitch
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