All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
