she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
