you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drake has all the answers
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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