My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
