the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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