we're chasing vodka with high fives
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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