He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
