It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
