Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize