what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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