my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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