im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize