After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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