I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
zippers are such a cool invention
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
