you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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