I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
