All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize