You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
