I hate your face
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
