did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
