dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
