I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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