Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
