belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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