Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize