Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
