Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
