VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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