then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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